Tuesday, June 28, 2005

i heart taebo

For the past week I've thrown myself enthusiastically, if not a bit naively, into the dark underbelly of mainstream LA life which involves a lot of spandex and intimacy with a floor that reeks like a men's locker room. These are the sacrifices that have to be made if I am to be reshaped into a sleeker, faster, and harder version of myself by none other than fitness guru Billy Blanks himself, the creator of Taebo and some recent Bootcamp training video he's been shamelessly promoting on cable TV. Billy Blanks, for those of you who have been living under a stone these past years, is a fitness god. Not only is his body cut from a block of marble, but all the instructors who teach here are built like machines with muscle definition that puts Michelangelo's David to shame. Is it not human of me then to be all aflutter when Billy compliments me on my high kick? I was so overwhelmed by the sea of scantily clad bodies that at one point, I found myself unconsciously taking count of how many women in the room had breast implants. This is I repeat, LA. It was approximately 40%. The scientific test of this was that if they ain't moving from the gravitational forces of a jumping roundhouse kick then they sure ain't real.

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