Tuesday, September 27, 2005

behind every good man a is a better rod

I suppose there are certain things a person shouldn't admit to ever doing. Like peeing in your pants in college. Or dreaming of having a lesbian affair with your mother. These are all purely hypothetical of course. But operating on the idea that confession is one way of cleansing irrepressible and shameful urges out of your life, I am compelled to admit here that I am a regular late night viewer of BassCenter on ESPN. As the title suggests, this half hour program is indeed a show dedicated exclusively to what else... bass fishing. But what is fascinating to me about this show is its very existence. When it was on the table, how did it win out over "GolfCenter" or "SoccerCenter"? Or even "BowlingCenter"? Could this actually be a Saturday Night Live spinoff? From what I learned about bass fishing thus far, I understand that these men love the bass. Maybe more than women or beer. They also love to fish it. I have never seen fishing so exciting. And it's informative too. Who knew, for instance, that hurricane Katrina will have devastating longterm effects on bassfishing nationwide? Screw the humans, it's the fish who are the ultimate victims. Seriously though, if I knew whether or not women were allowed in the sport, the likelihood of which seems pretty slim so far considering they are all paunchy white males with goatees, I would quit my day job tomorrow and buy a pair of rubber pants and try my hand at an exciting new future in the great outdoors.

Bass update: It has been most recently noted that BassCenter is preceded by the equally addictive program called none other than (drumroll please...) "BassMaster"! Yes, a full uninterrupted hour of prime bass fishing for the inveterate insomniac in you. Booyakasha.

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